Before we dive in, remember this is not about promoting supernatural ideas. This is simply a way to shift your perspective, to see life in a different, perhaps more beneficial light.
We all have moments where our minds decide to show us a film—a very unpleasant film—where we’re the lead character, and the plot revolves around all our supposed failures. These mental movies, or “slides,” can be relentless. And when these negative slides take over, they don’t just make you feel bad; they start messing with your entire sense of self-worth. Your confidence? Out the window. Your mood? Tanked.
Negative Slides: The Road to Approval Addiction
When a negative slide becomes the main show in your head, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation from everyone around you. Every interaction turns into a test. Did they smile at me enough? Do they like my work? Was that comment a subtle dig? You’re basically living on tenterhooks, desperately scanning for approval because, well, your mental slide has convinced you that’s the only way you’ll know you’re worth anything.
Of course, the issue with this strategy is it doesn’t work. You’ll get one compliment, but instead of feeling good, you’ll immediately need another one. And heaven help you if someone says something critical. You could get 99 compliments and 1 bit of constructive feedback, and guess which one will be on repeat in your mind all day? That one criticism will take over the entire mental slide, turning it from a mild drama to a full-on disaster movie.
This constant need for external validation turns life into a battleground, where you’re perpetually on the defensive, always trying to prove something. It’s exhausting. Worse, it’s a losing game because no amount of approval will ever be enough. As long as your sense of worth is tied to what other people think, you’re stuck in a loop that leads straight to misery.
The Vicious Cycle: Seeking Approval, Getting Crushed
So, why do we keep doing this to ourselves? It’s simple: the negative slide convinces us we’re not enough as we are. Instead of trusting our own judgement, we become obsessed with the opinions of others. The result? Even the smallest criticism feels like an attack on our entire being.
Every time someone doesn’t respond the way you’d hoped—maybe they didn’t compliment your new outfit, or they were a bit curt in an email—you feel crushed. And the worst part is, it reinforces the negative slide. You start thinking, “See, I knew they didn’t like me” or “I’m definitely not good enough.” The slide grows darker, more distorted, and you’re left feeling like life is one long uphill struggle.
This cycle of seeking approval and feeling hurt by the lack of it is a nightmare. You spend your energy chasing something you can’t control—other people’s thoughts and reactions. And guess what? You can’t win. Trying to control the uncontrollable is as productive as screaming at the rain, hoping it’ll stop.
Rewriting Your Slides: Taking Back Control
The good news is that these negative slides aren’t permanent fixtures. They’re not engraved in stone, even if it sometimes feels like they are. In reality, these slides are just a product of your thoughts, which means you can change them. You don’t have to keep watching the same miserable movie over and over.
The first step in taking back control is recognising that your thoughts aren’t always reliable. Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. If your mental slide is showing you a distorted version of yourself, it’s time to question it. Are you really failing at everything, or did you just have one bad day? Is everyone really judging you, or are they too busy dealing with their own issues to even notice?
Once you start questioning these negative slides, they lose their grip. You begin to see that the image you’ve been replaying isn’t real. From there, you can start creating new, more accurate slides. Instead of a constant stream of “I’m not good enough,” you can shift to something a little more grounded, like “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight. Changing mental slides takes practice. But the more you do it, the less power the negative ones will have. And before you know it, you’ll stop needing external validation because you’ll have built up your own internal confidence.
In the end, escaping the consequences of negative slides comes down to taking responsibility for what’s playing in your head. You can keep letting these distorted images control your life, or you can rewrite the script. It’s your choice.
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